Joy and Pain Part V

*DISCLAIMER* I am still quite ill and haven’t gain full vision yet, so please excuse the typos in the posts that may be posted for a while. Thank you all very much 🙂

So by now everyone knows that I am sick. I’ve been taking a LOT of medications and never thought about some of the side effects.

Well this week things started to happen that my aunts and my Mummie, who happens to be a physiologist and educator, warned me about.


de·pres·sion  /diˈpreSHən/

  1. Severe despondency and dejection, accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.
  2. A condition of mental disturbance, typically with lack of energy and difficulty in maintaining concentration or interest in life.

This is very hard for me to write about at the moment, but I know this blog is an outlet for me so I will begin.

For the past 3 months I have been back at home living with my parents. I thought that I would be ok with it, but I have been out of my element.

  1. I’m not working.
  2. I can’t drive.
  3. I have at least 3 doctor’s appointments each week.
  4. I’m home alone most of the time.
  5. I have no income
  6. Did I mention that I’m NOT working.


I’ve become uber sensitive to things and the fact that I’m not working really bothers me.

This Sabbath afternoon my Mum and I had a talk…of course I cried. I’ve realized that I’ve been letting my current state get to me.  A friend from church told me to keep a journal so that when I get better I can reflect on how God has truly blessed me.

I know that I have to keep positive, but at times it seems so difficult especially after visits to the doctors office where I hear “there’s no change” or “at this point we are not sure what to do…we just have to make sure it doesn’t get worse” or the best yet “you are not a textbook case”.


After today’s conversation I know that I need to talk about my feelings and to NOT let these negative feelings get me down….

I need to do as Mummie instructed… “Marla darling, you have to sing and dance. You have to let the devil know that he will not win THIS!!”

So let the singing and dancing and laughing begin….

~Love, Peace, and SOOOOOUL!!!

Meri Jaan
Twitter – @merijaanblog
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This is a place for me to reflect on things that are happening in my life.  I might just be one person in this big world of ours, but I'm one person that's on a mission... Life:: the sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual. Life is a funny thing.  It is forever changing and as it changes so will I.

You may ALWAYS speak your mind here! :)

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